


Beautiful Disaster

by brionyjae



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Death, M/M, Romance, Self-Harm, Slash, Songfic, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-02-03
Updated: 2006-02-03
Packaged: 2017-10-23 20:22:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,024
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/254604
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brionyjae/pseuds/brionyjae
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Draco struggles with a feeling he's never felt before: Love. Falling in love with Harry Potter... that's a struggle in itself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Beautiful Disaster

**Author's Note:**

> Songfic to Kelly Clarkson's 'Beautiful Disaster'.

Draco Malfoy had always loved stars. When he was young, he used to sit in his window, watching them wink and sparkle at him. Draco forgot about everything while he sat looking at the stars. His father's nasty comments evaporated while he watched the stars. Draco watched them until his mother came in and scolded him for staying up so late.

He supposed it way his way of escaping reality.

When Draco had settled in at Hogwarts, however, his habit of watching stars disappeared. He had no need of escaping his life at the Manor, and he probably would have only got caught and given detention, as he knew so little about the great castle. The view of the sky from the dungeons was less than satisfying anyway.

At sixteen years old, Draco had more trouble escaping. His father constantly criticized him – even at Hogwarts he couldn't get away from it, receiving multiple owls a week. This particular night Draco, try as he might, couldn't sleep. Draco turned over and sighed. He could only think of one thing that would reassure him.

Draco quietly climbed out of his dark green satin sheets, and walked softly to the door of the dormitory. He turned and saw that his roommates were still fast asleep. Draco opened the door, crept out of the Slytherin common room, and started to make his way out of the dungeons.

He paused when he reached the corridor that left the dungeons. He could just go back to his dormitory. Then at least there would be no risk of getting in trouble. However, Draco felt like doing something reckless, so he exited the dungeons without looking back.

Draco made his way slowly along the many corridors, up the many flights of stairs, when finally he was walking up the steps to the Astronomy Tower. He knew he'd be safe there; no one would bother looking up there.

Letting a small smile grace his features, Draco went to the edge of the tower and looked upwards. There, brightening slightly as if happy to see him, were millions of dazzling stars. Draco sat on the ledge of the tower and placed his hands on the stone so he wouldn't fall.

It was silent for quite a while, but Draco liked it that way. Suddenly though, hushed footsteps penetrated the night air, and Draco turned to look at the doorway to the spiral staircase. Harry Potter appeared right beside of him, and Draco nearly fell off the ledge in surprise.

"Wh – what are you doing here? And what's that?" Draco added when he noticed a silvery cloak in Harry's hand.

"Invisibility cloak," Harry answered looking a bit confused. "I always come here. It helps when I can't sleep."

And with that, Harry sat on the ledge beside Draco, about three feet away. They exchanged no more words, just sat there breathing in the cool air and watching the stars twinkle.

 _He drowns in his dreams  
An exquisite extreme I know  
He's as damned as he seems  
More heaven than a heart could hold_

Draco was amazed at how this night turned into many other nightly meetings. The two teenagers never said anything to each other, but the silence that accompanied them was comfortable. During the day, the boys traded insults like any other day. It was more habit than anything.

Harry always arrived after Draco. Except for one night. One night, Harry was already sitting on the ledge, his hair blowing in the wild wind.

"Why so early?" Draco asked, after joining him.

Harry shrugged, not taking his gaze from the sky. "I fell asleep just after dinner, had a nightmare, and I knew it was no use even trying to sleep."

Draco wondered what sort of nightmare Harry had really had. He didn't have to wonder long.

About two nights after that night, Draco arrived at the Astronomy Tower and found Harry asleep, perched precariously on the ledge. Draco rushed forwards and lifted the Gryffindor down and sat him against the wall. Luckily, he didn't wake up. Draco frowned in thought, but sat up on the ledge anyway.

A moan shook Draco from his reverie. He jumped down from the ledge and knelt swiftly beside Harry. His face was contorted with pain, and he twitched slightly. Draco touched Harry's shoulder, and Harry moaned again. He screwed up his face, and started muttering quietly. Draco caught the words "Don't take him" and "No, leave him alone".

Draco shook Harry awake, and when Harry had focused his eyes, his mouth opened in surprise.

"You had a nightmare, didn't you?" Draco asked, still holding Harry's shoulders.

Harry nodded, and Draco noticed his scar was accentuated in the moonlight. Harry sat up more and Draco took that as a sign to let go of him. When Harry stood up, he stumbled sideways into Draco and Draco's seeker reflexes grabbed him around the waist. As soon as he realized how close their bodies were, he fought a blush and let go of Harry quickly.

"Are you alright?" Draco said to divert the attention onto Harry. Harry nodded again, and made his way to sit on the ledge. Draco followed slowly. The night passed without another word.

 _And if I tried to save him  
My whole world would cave in  
Just ain't right  
Just ain't right_

As the nights went by, Draco started to feel a feeling he had never experienced before. It sneaked up on him, with no warning. His father would be absolutely disgusted with him if he found out.

Yes; Draco Malfoy was falling for Harry Potter.

Harry's messy black hair, his slender but tanned body, his beautiful emerald eyes… Draco began to love his moments spent with Harry up in the Astronomy Tower. Whenever he thought Harry wasn't looking, Draco glanced at him, trying to catch a glimpse of the beauty beside him.

Malfoys weren't taught to love, so naturally, Draco didn't know how to react when he understood that he was attracted to Harry. Half of him, the irrational half, wanted to rush over to Harry and kiss him silly. The other half, probably the more controlling half, knew he couldn't. It was a crazy notion; Malfoys didn't fall in love with anyone, let alone with someone of the same gender. The whole school would find out, and somehow, his father would get to know. Draco was sure there were some Death Eater's sons at Hogwarts who would just love to report him to the Dark Lord.

Draco didn't believe in the Dark Lord's way of doing things, yet he didn't see anyway of resisting him. But when Draco was in the Astronomy Tower sitting with Harry, that worry left him.

He was happier than he had ever been in his life. For once, he had learnt what it felt like to love.

One night, Harry arrived as per usual. When he sat down though, he sat closer to Draco than he had ever sat. He sat so close that their fingertips nearly brushed one another's. Draco felt confusion then; wasn't Harry supposed to hate him? Of course, they had a silent truce when they were in the tower, but still. Harry had never sat closer than three feet before.

A day full of boring lessons led Draco to use the time he was supposed to be listening to the teacher to think. He went over and over the possibilities. Did Harry sit closer to him because he was feeling particularly vulnerable? Or maybe… Draco swallowed thickly at the mere thought. Maybe Harry felt the same way about him as Draco felt about Harry.

No, Draco was most likely reading into the action far more than was necessary.

Draco tried to forget about it, but that night, Harry sat just as close as he had the other night.

Why was Draco getting so damn confused?

 _Oh and I don't know  
I don't know what he's after  
But he's so beautiful  
Such a beautiful disaster_

The insults during the day became less and less, when suddenly one day, the two boys acknowledged each other with a nod, or when Draco was feeling daring, a smile. People seemed to whisper, trying to figure out why the so called arch-enemies were acting civil.

Every night became harder for Draco. At first, he didn't have much trouble controlling his feelings for the Gryffindor, but as every night passed, Draco found himself yearning for Harry to do something. Draco was losing concentration in his school work, because all he could think about was Harry. He wanted to touch his soft skin, wanted to kiss his perfect lips, wanted to run his fingers through his unruly hair.

Draco wanted Harry so much, but was afraid to make a move.

One night, when the sky was perfectly clear, Harry arrived after Draco, like always, and sat right beside Draco, like always. Only tonight, Draco didn't want things to be the same.

Carefully, Draco laid his pale hand on top of Harry's more tanned one. Harry jumped slightly, and looked at Draco sideways. Draco pretended not to notice, and continued watching the stars.

His next action took even himself by surprise.

Draco lent sideways and placed his head to rest on Harry's shoulder. Harry's body stiffed, and he began to stutter.

"Draco… wh… what are y-you…?"

"Shhh," Draco said, marveling inwardly at the fact that Harry had just called him Draco.

"B-but…"

Draco lifted his head, and looked around into Harry's eyes. He held the ledge tighter so he wouldn't fall, and Draco slowly lent in and kissed Harry gently on the lips.

For a moment, Harry was frozen still, but he responded by kissing Draco back. The kiss was a dry kiss, but when Draco's tongue flickered on top of Harry's bottom lip, Harry jerked backwards.

That was just enough movement to startle Draco, and with his grip on the ledge having slackened when he was kissing Harry, he had no time to hold on tighter. Draco started to fall backwards, hands scrabbling at the ledge in vain.

Luckily for Draco, Harry possessed seeker reflexes, so he found himself being grabbed by the shirt by Harry, and pulled back over the ledge.

Draco fell heavily; half on the stone floor, half on Harry. He banged his chin hard on the ground and that caused him to bite his tongue. The two teenagers slid with momentum, which also caused Draco to get grazes on his chin, elbows and knees.

Once they had come to a halt Draco lay there, quite still, trying to ignore the fact that his eyes were watering, whether from his grazes or otherwise. He moved his head up by a fraction, and his eyes met Harry's.

For a moment, a wonderful moment, Harry stared into Draco's eyes, and Draco was sure that Harry had feelings for him as well. But Harry wrenched his gaze from Draco, and quickly scrambled to his feet.

"I'm sorry," he panted, moving backwards, towards the spiral staircase. "I… I can't."

And with that, Harry spun on his heel and fled out of the Astronomy Tower.

Draco didn't know how long he lay there. He could taste bitter disappointment in his mouth, mixed with blood from his bleeding tongue. Finally Draco stood up and turned back to the ledge. The stars winkled at him, but they seemed to be mocking him.

Tears started to stream down Draco's face, and he sat back down against the wall. He crawled into a small ball and wrapped his arms around himself. And it was in that position that Draco let the harsh sobs overcome him.

 _If I could hold on  
Through the tears and the laughter  
Would it be beautiful  
Or just a beautiful disaster_

The next couple of days were hell for Draco. All day in class he tried to catch Harry's eye, but Harry refused to look at him, or even be within five metres of him. This hurt Draco terribly, but he put on his Malfoy mask and didn't show his anguish.

While Draco sat at dinner, forcing himself to eat normally, he created a plan. He would apologize completely that night, and explain himself to Harry. He would tell him that he liked him.

To Draco's horror, Harry didn't show up at the Astronomy Tower that night. Or the night after that. Draco felt like crying again, but knew it wouldn't do any good. The next night Draco thought and thought, and knew what he had to do.

The lesson they had before lunch was Transfiguration. Draco packed up his books and parchment very slowly, as he knew that Harry would wait for Ron and Hermione, and Ron wasn't exactly the world's fastest packer. The trio began to walk towards the door, so Draco swung his bag over his shoulder and started walking smoothly to them.

"Excuse me Potter, can I have a word?" Draco asked confidently, sounding calm and natural.

"Uh…" Harry said, obviously caught by surprise. Ron and Hermione were looking amazed that Draco was actually being polite.

"Excellent. Come with me," Draco said without waiting for an answer. He motioned for Harry to follow him, and Harry (thankfully) obeyed. Draco led them into an empty classroom, and shut the door behind Harry.

"What do you want Malfoy?" Harry asked, looking pointedly at the blackboard.

"Harry, call me Draco. Well," Draco stopped. This was a lot harder than he had anticipated. "Well, I want to say I'm sorry. For… for the other night." Harry didn't say anything, so Draco moved around in front of the blackboard.

"I'm sorry for kissing you. I'm sorry for startling you. I'm sorry for everything. It's just…" Draco bit his lip firmly, determined not to let his voice shake. "I think I'm in love with you."

Harry froze, and turned his gaze to the floor. Draco waited, desperate for a reaction.

"Harry? Say something. Anything," Draco pleaded.

Harry looked up at Draco, and Draco was surprised to see his face twisted in pain.

"I can't. I can't… be with you. I just can't," Harry said, and turned to leave. Draco, however, grabbed Harry's wrist.

"Wait! Why can't you?"

"I just can't."

"Why? Tell me Harry. Please." Draco looked into Harry's eyes, and saw that they were shining sadly.

"Listen, I really like you. Truly I do. But everyone I become close to ends up dead, or hurt at the very least. That's why I can't. I don't want you to get hurt."

Draco opened his eyes wider in disbelief, and then actually smiled, something he hadn't done in a while.

"If Voldemort was to kill me, it would be because I told him that I didn't support him, and didn't want to become a Death Eater. Not because I was close to you."

Now Harry's eyes widened, and he opened his mouth to speak.

"It's still the same thing. It's still my fault –"

Harry didn't get to say anything after this, because Draco had placed his lips on Harry's. Harry gave a small gasp, but then he started to kiss Draco back. Tentatively, Draco touched Harry's hair with his hand. He felt Harry's hands curl around his waist, and Draco moaned. He had dreamed of this many times, but he had never guessed it would feel so… real.

They broke apart, and Draco grinned at Harry. Harry smiled back, but still seemed uncertain.

"Don't worry Harry," Draco said, hugging Harry. "This will work. We'll make it work."

 _He's magic and myth  
As strong as what I believe  
A tragedy with  
More damage than a soul should see_

They kept their relationship a secret from the school, only spending time with each other at night. Needless to say, they spent less time watching the stars than they used to. Draco was very glad that no one ever came up to the Astronomy Tower at night, or they would have to face a lot of questions.

One evening, Harry sought Draco out in the library. It was just after dinner, and Draco was finishing his Potions essay.

"I thought we agreed not to do anything during the day," Draco asked amusedly, but his smile faded when noticed how white Harry was. "What? What's wrong?"

"There's going to be a Death Eater attack," Harry got out finally, breathless from running.

"What! How do you know?" Draco asked urgently.

"Dumbledore knows… I think he forced it out of someone with Legilimency…" he panted. "Anyway, they're coming to attack the school tonight!"

Draco was silent at these words. What he feared the most was that if he went to the fight, the Death Eaters would expect him to join in on their side. Which he certainly _wasn't_ going to do.

"What are you going to do?" Draco said, surprising himself by feeling calm.

"I'm going to fight, of course!" Harry said determinedly.

"Then I will be wherever you are."

"But, the Death Eaters won't be very happy if you join in with us," Harry replied, looking shocked. "You can't. It'll be too dangerous for you."

"Dangerous is my middle name. Don't worry about me, ok?"

Harry eventually nodded and whispered, "Come on. The Order are getting ready now."

Draco packed up his books and dropped them off in his dormitory. Then he met Harry just outside of the dungeons, and Harry led them to Dumbledore's office. As soon as they entered the room hushed. Ron and Hermione were both there, and their mouths fell open at the sight of Draco.

"What the hell is _he_ doing here Harry?" Ron asked incredulously.

"He's on our side now Ron," Harry told him shortly, and swept past him to face Dumbledore. "Professor, Draco is going to fight with us, on our side."

Draco could hear Ron say " _Draco_?" but he ignored him. Professor Dumbledore turned his electric blue gaze upon Draco, and Draco felt as though he were being searched.

"Good." Dumbledore nodded, and smiled at Harry and Draco. "We should all go down to Hogsmeade now. The Death Eater that I forced the truth out of told me they will be apparating there."

Draco walked with Harry as they follow the group of witches and wizards. They were all talking in low, serious voices. Draco and Harry didn't speak, but Harry squeezed Draco's hand reassuringly, when he was sure no one could see.

When they arrived at Hogsmeade, all was quiet. Draco took the opportunity to look around at all of the people. He didn't recognize most of the adults. There were a few pupils from Hogwarts though. Ron and Hermione were there of course, joined by Luna Lovegood, Neville Longbottom and Ginny Weasley.

For ten minutes they waited there, looking around in all directions. It was now growing dark, for the sun was setting.

And then there came a shout from one of the Order. Draco followed his pointing finger and saw two men in hooded cloaks. The Death Eaters stopped in surprise, but one managed to dodge a curse sent by the Order, while the other man wasn't so lucky.

More and more Death Eaters began arriving, and they began dueling Order members. The teenagers were starting to get into the mix too. Harry had let go of Draco's hand and leapt sideways to battle a particularly bulky Death Eater. Now a man walked swiftly in Draco's direction, so Draco sent a stunning spell at him. He ducked and sent a flash of green light towards Draco. Draco ran sideways, nearly collided with Neville, and then started dueling the Death Eater.

Draco caught a glimpse of Harry, and saw that he had a cut on his cheek. He tried to get to Harry, all the while dodging hexes and curses, but a skinny Death Eater started dueling him, and he lost sight of Harry.

The skinny Death Eater was very quick. They sent curse after curse, and it took all Draco had to repel them.

"Someone's taught you well, haven't they Draco."

Draco nearly dropped his wand. Not only did the Death Eater know his name, it was a female's voice speaking. He was forced to crouch down as the Death Eater sent one straight at his head.

"Who are you?" Draco asked evenly as he sent another Leg-Locking curse at her.

"Don't you recognize your Aunt Bellatrix?"

Draco's mouth fell open as she removed her mask. He had seen photos of her before, but she was not the smiling woman he had seen. This Bellatrix had a mad gleam in her eyes, and a sunken, pale look to her face. Her hair was wilder and she gave a loud and evil laugh.

As Draco sidestepped another hex from her, still shocked, he heard a yell of anger, and turned to see Harry running towards them, full of rage.

"You are going to pay," Harry panted, his eyes on fire. Draco stepped back. He hadn't seen Harry this angry before. "You are going to pay, Lestrange, for killing Sirius."

Bellatrix, who had stopped sending spells at Draco at the sight of Harry, merely laughed again.

"Let's see about that, shall we?" she asked smirking, and started dueling both Harry and Draco at the same time.

 _And do I try to change him  
So hard not to blame him  
Hold me tight  
Hold me tight_

Draco was amazed by how well Bellatrix Lestrange dueled. He knew she must be good, having been taught by Voldemort, but he never expected her to be so fast to move, so fast to react. Harry dueled with a new purpose; not only to wipe out the Death Eaters, but to seek revenge. Draco tried to shoot him warning looks to tell him not to do it, but Harry's face was impassive.

Just as Draco was beginning to get tired, Bellatrix screamed. She slowly sank to the ground, drawing rattling breaths, and blood started pouring out of her nose and mouth.

"You'll be sorry," she spluttered, spitting out a mouthful of blood. "You'll never beat the Dark Lord."

And with one final gasp, Bellatrix's head went limp and fell into the pool of her own blood. Her body wasn't moving, and Draco suddenly realized that she was dead.

Draco looked at Harry, who was still staring at Bellatrix. His wand was frozen, pointing at Bellatrix's face.

"What did you do?" Draco asked, feeling horrified.

"I got revenge," Harry whispered, and then looked at Draco. For a second, Draco was sure that this person standing in front of him wasn't Harry; not his Harry. Then the moment passed, and Draco knew it was Harry.

"I'm sorry," Harry said, wrapping his arms around Draco briefly. "I didn't mean to scare you. It just had to be done."

And with that, he turned and rejoined the battle.

Draco didn't have much memory of the next events. He knew they had been fighting for over an hour, and they seemed to have taken out lots of the Death Eaters, but more just kept appearing. Apparently, Voldemort had recruited more followers than any of them thought.

What Draco did remember, however, he remembered vividly.

He was dueling a rather weird Death Eater, who seemed to laugh at everything he did, when he heard a piercing scream come from behind him. Involuntarily, he turned, and immediately wished he hadn't.

Ron Weasley had been lifted into the air by a spell, and he had begun spinning. Draco was reminded of the night after the Quidditch World Cup. And then Ron came to a halt, hanging the right way up. But his face was absolutely blue. Ron's eyes were bulging, and his hands grabbing pathetically at his throat.

It seemed as if Ron was being suffocated in mid-air.

And then there was another scream. Draco looked for the cause, and saw Hermione standing near him, utterly traumatized; there were tears streaming down her cheeks. Draco looked back at Ron, and what he saw next made him jump back and trip over a body in disgust.

Ron's eyes had bulged out incredibly, and without warning they flew right out of his head, through the air and out of sight. Draco couldn't tear his gaze from Ron as dark blood started splurting out of his eye sockets.

Running footsteps sounded from behind him, and a person collapsed down beside Draco. It was Harry.

"I… I can't believe this," he struggled to say, and Draco saw that he, also was crying.

Ron's body fell to the ground in a heap, and the adults continued fighting, but none of that mattered to Draco or Harry. Draco could only hear Hermione's screams, and Ginny's wails, and Harry's sobs. He crawled closer to Harry, and motioned for him to put his head on his shoulder, which Harry did.

They sat there until the Death Eaters had retreated. An adult came over to them and helped them up, Draco didn't know who. Together they all stumbled back to the castle, where they were forced some Dreamless sleep potion to sleep.

Draco wished he could have slept forever.

 _Oh and I don't know  
I don't know what he's after  
But he's so beautiful  
Such a beautiful disaster_

The next days were a blur. They attended a funeral, had to stay in the hospital wing, and that was pretty much it.

Gradually, they started going back to classes, and Draco and Harry once again started their meetings at the Astronomy Tower. However, they were so emotionally tired that they didn't feel like doing anything except sitting there.

Draco wasn't even sure why he felt so terrible. It wasn't as if he was friends with Ron, like Harry was.

He guessed it was because reality had hit him hard over the head; anyone could die, at any given time. He could be the next to go.

Draco began having nightmares. Not when he was sleeping; he never did much of that. No, these nightmares were different. One minute he was sitting there, just thinking, and then horrible images replayed themselves in Draco's mind. Bellatrix was dying, but then it changed to himself. Ron was dying, but then it changed to Harry.

No matter what he did he couldn't free himself of the darkness surrounding him. Draco often wondered if Harry was experiencing the same things as he was, but Harry said near to nothing nowadays.

Once, when Draco and Harry had spent the whole night in the Astronomy Tower, and the sun was just starting to rise, Harry got off the ledge to leave.

"Coming?" he asked quietly. Draco looked up at him, and shook his head. Harry turned without saying anything else and left the Tower. It was long after his footsteps had died away when Draco got up from the ledge. He walked to the doorway, but stopped.

Something was gleaming at him from the floor. He bent down and picked it up, and his heart sank as soon as he saw what it was.

It was a silver and sharp knife.

Draco's brain whirred into action, something it hadn't done for a long time.

Harry must have dropped it. Harry must be using it. Harry… must be cutting himself.

Draco dismissed the thought straight away. Sure, Harry was depressed, but Harry wouldn't do something like that. He couldn't! Draco didn't know what to think.

It must have been someone else who had dropped it, Draco told himself. Yes, that was it.

Feeling thoroughly unconvinced and uneasy, Draco pocketed the knife and walked back to his dormitory. It can't have been Harry's knife.

The next night, Harry sat next to Draco, and despite himself, Draco's eyes flicked to Harry's hand.

His sleeve was lifted ever so slightly, and the moonlight shone clearly on Harry's skin. A sick feeling filled Draco as he saw pale scars criss-crossing his wrist.

Draco knew his illusion of innocence wouldn't last long.

 _If I could hold on  
Through the tears and the laughter  
Would it be beautiful  
Or just a beautiful disaster_

It was the last weekend of their seventh and final year at Hogwarts. Everyone was celebrating their graduation, and planning where they were going to go, what they were going to do when they left.

Harry and Draco stood to the side of the buzz, the afternoon sun blazing down on them.

"Something is going to happen today," Harry said, his voice shaking a little. Draco looked at him questioningly, and Harry answered his unspoken question. "I can feel it. Voldemort is coming for me."

Harry was right.

The sun was setting, and everyone was beginning to drift inside for the feast. And then Dumbledore came running out in the grounds of Hogwarts. Draco knew then that Voldemort was coming.

Voldemort arrived after his Death Eaters. Draco didn't know how he apparated inside the castle grounds; perhaps he destroyed Dumbledore's enchantments.

Harry left Draco's side, and dashed over to Voldemort, with a determined look on his face. Draco tried to follow, but was held back by Hermione.

"He has to do this alone," she said quietly, her gaze piercing into Draco's eyes.

Hermione seemed to understand what was going on between him and Harry. What was more, she accepted it. Draco nodded reluctantly, and turned to fend off some Death Eaters.

The final battle lasted for a couple of hours. Draco and Hermione had managed to stay near each other, and now they watched as the last Death Eaters were defeated. About a quarter of the school had been killed, because they were simply unprepared for such an attack. Some had been killed fighting the Death Eaters. Most people though, were still standing.

Harry and Voldemort were dueling on the Quidditch pitch. Even from where Draco stood he could hear Voldemort's high and cold laughter.

Then a green light glowed around Harry, but as soon as it had come it suddenly rushed to Voldemort.

This time, Voldemort didn't laugh. He stumbled backwards and swayed on the spot for a moment. And then, Voldemort fell to the ground very slowly, and didn't get up again.

The small crowd of survivors that were watching Harry gasped. Dumbledore walked forwards, almost hesitantly to where Harry stood. He looked down at Voldemort, and muttered a quiet spell.

For an eternity Dumbledore stood there. Draco found himself holding his breath.

"Lord Voldemort is dead. He is gone for good."

Dumbledore's voice rang out through Hogwart's grounds, and everyone burst into applause. Draco looked at Hermione, and they smiled at each other, something they both rarely did.

Through all of the noise, Draco didn't notice where Harry was until he couldn't see him anywhere.

"Do you know where Harry is?" Draco asked Hermione.

"No," Hermione said, suddenly sounding worried.

"I'll find him," Draco said, and quickly ran into the castle.

He was shocked at the scene that lay before him. The castle was a mess; bits of wall were missing, painting's had fallen and smashed… the Death Eaters had wrecked the place. Nevertheless, Draco carried on to his destination; he was pretty sure he knew where Harry would be.

Draco reached the Astronomy Tower, and sure enough, Harry was sitting on the ledge observing the school's celebration.

"They are all so happy," Harry said as Draco sat next to him. He didn't move his gaze from the crowd below.

"Yes. I'm happy as well. Aren't you?" Draco asked smiling, as a sort of rhetorical question.

A deep throaty sound came from Harry, and before Draco knew it, Harry was shaking with laughter. He kept laughing, and laughing, until tears were pouring down his face because of it.

"Harry?" Draco said slightly uncertainly. Harry's laughter started to get higher in pitch, and he sounded hysterical. Then Harry took a shuddering breath, and the laughter turned into great, cruel sobs, that made his whole body jolt.

Silently, Draco led Harry down from the ledge and pulled him into his arms. Harry sobbed uncontrollably into Draco's chest, clinging tightly to his arms.

After about five minutes, Harry stopped crying and lay trembling in Draco's lap.

 _I'm longing for love and the logical  
But he's only happy hysterical  
I'm waiting for some kind of miracle  
Waiting so long_

"I'll never be happy in this life," Harry whispered.

"What?" Draco said, stunned. "What… do you mean?"

"Things will never go back to the way they were before Ron… before that Death Eater attack."

"But…" Draco couldn't quite believe what he was hearing. "But, we can start over. Start a new life. Forget Voldemort."

Harry lifted his face up so that he could look into Draco's eyes. He smiled sadly, as if in pity, and shook his head.

"That's what I used to think. When I still had my innocence. Now I know it was just a fantasy never going to come true." Harry tugged up his sleeve, and slowly brought his wrist up for Draco to see. "Look. I've been cutting myself to stay sane. Otherwise…" Harry didn't finish his sentence.

Draco closed his eyes, unable and unwilling to look at Harry's scars. Harry couldn't mean what he thought he meant.

"I can't keep cutting myself to stay alive. So how do I find a solution to that?" Harry grinned, almost maniacally.

No, don't say it, thought Draco.

 _He's soft to the touch  
But frayed at the ends he breaks  
He's never enough  
And still he's more than I can take_

"I need to end this Draco. I know I shouldn't, but I'm asking you: Would you end it with me? Together, we could go to another life, one free of nightmares, death and violence. All we need to do… is jump." Harry looked over at the ledge of the Astronomy Tower.

"Harry –"

"I have it all worked out," continued on Harry, as though he had not heard Draco. "No one could survive that fall, even a wizard. Together…" he looked into Draco's silver eyes pleadingly. "Together, we could start over. Like you said. We could be happy."

Draco stared right back at Harry, his mouth frozen in an unformed thought. Harry was really going to do this.

"Harry, don't. Don't do this. Please… don't kill yourself!"

Harry smiled and titled his head slightly.

"You don't get it. There is no other choice. You've got a choice, whether to come with me or not. But for me… I have no choice. I have to end this."

 _Oh and I don't know  
I don't know what he's after  
But he's so beautiful  
Such a beautiful disaster_

Draco shut his mouth, and looked into Harry's determined face. He was really going to jump.

"Then I shall go wherever you go. Even if that means following you on the path to death," Draco said quietly. Harry nodded, and they both stood up. They walked cautiously to the ledge of the Astronomy Tower. Darkness had fell, but the students and teachers were still below, talking happily.

Draco looked up at the sky. The stars were beginning to appear. They winked and sparkled at him, like always, but this time, they were inviting him to join them.

And join them he must.

Draco and Harry both stood up on the ledge, and balanced there carefully. They looked at each other, and grasped each other's hand.

"There's no turning back Draco. If you don't want to do this, you can turn back," Harry said.

"I am staying with you. All I want is to be with you, Harry. I'm not turning back," Draco told Harry firmly. Harry nodded again, and let himself smile. Draco smiled back.

"Ready?" Harry asked softly. Draco nodded, and glanced at the stars once more. He would be among them soon.

"Ok Draco. 3… 2… 1… Jump!"

Together, the two teenage boys leapt from the ledge of the Astronomy Tower.

 _If I could hold on  
Through the tears and the laughter  
Would it be beautiful  
Or just a beautiful disaster_

Some people below may have screamed; Draco didn't know. He couldn't hear anything.

The fall seemed to take forever. All Draco could see was Harry.

His Harry.

And with this final thought, Draco and Harry both hit the ground.

 **  
**

* * *

**-End.**


End file.
